No Matter What Happens
by Vyctori
Summary: Nothing can be permitted to slow down the workings of the Renegades. Not even when Yuan loses the man closest to him is there even time to grieve. He and the Renegades must keep going, no matter what happens.


No Matter What Happens  
_Vyctori_

**A/N: **Inspired by Rallalon and Stacey's portrayal of Yuan and Botta on OMG Symphonia RP on Livejournal.

Because what the world needs right now is more Botta/Yuan fics. :smiles:

**Disclaimer:** _Tales of Symphonia _and Yuan and Botta belong to Namco. Minor original characters belong to Rall and Stacey.

**Warnings:** Shounen-ai (same sex relations), angst, character death, spoilers.

O-O-O-O-O-O-O

". . . You're back."

"Yuan . . . Botta is. . . ."

_So, it's finally happened_.

". . . He died."

The spiky-haired boy looked him straight in the eye. "Yes. . . . He asked us to tell you that he completed his mission."

"I see. . . ." Standing behind the barrier of his desk, Yuan was silent for only a moment. "Then we'll activate the dimensional transfer system. You may go between the worlds as you like."

"Is that all you have to say?" Kratos' brat took two steps forward and planted both his hands on the desk hard enough to shake its surface. "Botta gave his life for the Renegades and—"

An extended lifetime's worth of practice kept Yuan's emotions off his face as he gave the kid a cold stare.

"Lloyd!" one of his companions reprimanded him. ". . . It is not our place to speak."

Zelos Wilder, one of Yuan's spies, looked at Lloyd. "This guy has been with that Botta for a long time. Nothing we can say will make a difference."

". . . Fine," Lloyd muttered. He gave Yuan a resentful glare that seemed to question its target's compassion.

Yuan refused to be drawn into matching dislike for dislike. Instead, he kept a firm grip on his emotions. He refused to lose his dignity in front of a group of children and their hangers-on. And so, after a brief conversation, he dismissed them.

Lloyd didn't go right away, however. Instead, he paused and said, ". . . Yuan. I'm sorry."

He got no reply, and so he and Professor Raine, who had waited for him, left in search of the Rheairds.

As soon as the door had slid shut behind them, Yuan dropped into his chair hard enough to, in ordinary circumstances, make him wince. He didn't even notice as his head thudded into his hands.

It didn't seem real. The rational part of him was telling him that Renegades died all the time in the line of duty. It was why part of the qualifications for being a member of the group was having no spouse or children.

Logically, Yuan had been expecting this, of course. It was one of the things they had both known, deep down: that every day could be the last one they spent together. But after three hundred years of near misses and barest survival, he had allowed himself to forget.

"He is dead." Yuan spoke aloud, each word precise, in an attempt to make it sink in. "Botta is dead."

It didn't work. He knew that if he said it a thousand times, he still wouldn't take it in. Not for a while yet.

_Enough wallowing in self-pity_. Yuan forced himself to stand, made himself walk to the door. _The others do this all the time. They keep going when a friend or loved one has died, and you're bloody well going to do the same._

He didn't have Botta to rely on, now. Once again, as it had been before the man had come into his life, Yuan had to stand on his own two feet and depend on no one but himself.

He stepped through the door and walked down to the main hall, where the Renegades gathered while off-duty, in order to break the news.

-o-

Yuan let the door to the main hall slide shut behind him. He had kept the message short and simple and then had left immediately afterward. Botta had been popular, and Yuan knew that he was not the only one who was going to miss him. However, he also knew that not a single Renegade in the place would show her or his grief in front of the leader and so he had not remained, wishing to spare them the difficulty of concealing their emotions.

Walking away, he heard a sob, quickly stifled, perhaps from Botta's adopted cousin, Melka. His lips tightened. This was not something upon which he wished to intrude.

Returning to his office, he picked up a pile of reports that had been brought to him a few minutes before the arrival of Lloyd. He attempted to devote his full attention to the words on the page, but, after finding himself uncomprehendingly reading the same few sentences over and over again, gave up and dropped the papers to his desk.

He leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling.

-o-

_"Sir?"_

_Yuan pulled his gaze from the ceiling and fixed it on the tall, muscular man standing at attention in front of his desk. "What is it, Botta?"_

_"I am here to report that the mission was a success, sir. Cruxis' agents were disabled with no loss of life." Although he was attempting to keep as serious and professional as possible, a hint of a pleased smile pulled at the corners of Botta's mouth._

_Yuan gave him one of his rare smiles. "Excellent work, Botta. You've done well."_

_"Thank you, sir." Botta allowed his expression to relax._

_Yuan sorted through a few papers on his desk until he came to the folder he needed. "You've carried out all your missions with amazing precision and success. There is not a single person working here who has a record as spotless as yours."_

_"Thank you, sir," Botta said again._

_"With that in mind, I have decided to promote you to second-in-command." Yuan enjoyed the look of surprise in Botta's dark eyes. "Should you accept, you will be the figurehead of this organization. Any outsiders and new recruits will treat you as the leader of the Renegades, and, if necessary, you'll be expected to make any decisions required for the function of the Renegades in my stead. Do you accept?"_

_Botta couldn't keep the surprise from his voice. "Sir, are you certain?"_

_"Absolutely." Yuan's voice was firm._

_"Then, yes, sir. I'd be happy to accept." Botta smiled._

_Yuan smiled back. "Good. A sensible move." He stood up, walked around his desk, and held out his hand. When Botta shook it, he added, "I think we'll work well together, Botta."_

-o-

The doors slid open. Yuan dropped his gaze from the ceiling and started to smile. His smile faded as, instead of the man he was expecting, Heig stood at attention in front of his desk.

"Yes?" Disappointed, Yuan's voice was curter than he had intended.

Heig looked tentative. "Sir, the soldiers wish to know who will lead them instead of Botta."

It was a reasonable request. The Renegades couldn't function for long without a figurehead. But for some reason, Yuan felt a spurt of anger at the thought of finding a replacement for the man he had depended on for centuries.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself—and reminding himself about his policy of not shooting messengers—he said, "I haven't had a chance to think of that yet. I will be certain to let everyone know my choice for a replacement as soon as I have decided."

"Yes, sir." Heig's shoulders dropped at the word _replacement_.

"Dismissed."

Yuan waited until he had left, then slumped back into his chair.

-o-

_"Sir, forgive my impertinence for asking, but are you all right?"_

_Yuan straightened in his chair. "Oh. It's you, Botta." He sighed. "I am fine—no, that's a lie."_

_For a moment, he was silent as he collected his thoughts. ". . . Sometimes I wonder what right I have to be playing with all your lives like this."_

_"Sir?" Botta frowned._

_Yuan waved a hand. "Sit down and make yourself comfortable. It's ridiculous of me to make you stand at attention at a time like this." He waited until Botta was at rest in a lush upholstered chair before continuing._

_"Another squadron of Renegades is dead at the hands of Cruxis, Botta." Yuan rested his chin in his hands. "Another three lives lost in my own personal fight against Yggdrasill. Some days, I wonder where my arrogance is going to end—and what the cost will be of its end."_

_"Sir, with all due respect, what you just said was absolute nonsense." Botta's voice was quiet but firm._

_Yuan wore a wry look. "Speak your mind, Botta. Don't spare my tender feelings." _

_"Sir, this is not just your fight." Botta, unable to sit still, got to his feet and started pacing about the room. "It belongs to all of us. Every last one of us here would gladly die for you, because we know that you would _never_ lead us astray. _Never._ We trust you. And if some lives are lost in the process, it is for the good of those who are left behind."_

_Taking a breath, he added, "What you are doing isn't arrogant, Lord Yuan. Far from it. And if you don't believe what I say, ask any other Renegade. Any at all. They will back me completely."_

_Yuan just looked at him for a moment. ". . . In the face of such an eloquent defence of my motives, I would be a fool to deny what you have just said." He smiled, although his face and posture were still weary. "Thank you, Botta, for at least beginning to put my mind at rest."_

_Botta seemed almost embarrassed by his unusual wordiness. "It's nothing more than what any of your soldiers might say. Do you need anything more from me, Lord Yuan?" he asked._

_Yuan, seeming far away, looked up with a start. "Oh. No. No, it's fine, Botta. You may go."_

_Botta saluted and turned. On his way to the door, he stopped when Yuan said, "Wait, Botta."_

_"What is it, sir?" Botta asked as he turned and stood at attention once more._

_Yuan took a moment to answer. "When it's just the two of us and we aren't involved in business, it's ridiculous for you to 'sir' me to death. Just 'Yuan' will be fine."_

_"But, sir—" Botta tried to object._

_"Humour me, Botta."_

_"Very well, L—Yuan."_

_Yuan smiled slightly. "You look as though I've asked you to eat a live spider." His face was pensive. "No one calls me by my given name alone anymore. I miss that." The last sentence was almost inaudible._

_"I . . . see." The look on Botta's face was almost, but not quite, one of pity. "Is there anything else you need, Yuan?"_

_"It's fine." Yuan sighed. "It's late. Go to bed, Botta."_

_"Very well, s . . . Yuan."_

_The door slid shut behind him._

-o-

This time, there was no interruption. After ten minutes or so of staring off into space, Yuan forced his gaze from the opposing wall and eyed his paperwork with mild disgust. It took him a while to build up the willpower necessary to get a start on it, but eventually, he picked up a page and started to read.

It was in the middle of a particularly dull report that he shattered his own concentration. It was by one simple act.

As he was checking the figures on that month's food supplies, his hair started to fall into his right eye. The Renegade who did duty as a barber never could cut that side evenly.

Without thinking, Yuan brushed the hair out of his eye and tucked it behind his ear.

His hand froze.

-o-

_Yuan kept his eyes shut, enjoying the feel of his companion's hand as it brushed against his ear. Leaning forward, he fitted his lips against the ones in front of him. His chin tickled by his companion's beard, he smiled against the kiss._

_"What is it, Yuan?" Botta asked as he pulled away for a moment._

_Yuan's smile didn't fade. "I was just thinking about what a good decision I made to promote you. Every now and again, I do some things right."_

_He leaned forward for another kiss, but Botta pulled back slightly._

_"It's not just every now and again, Yuan. You should realise that."_

_Yuan sighed and rested his head on Botta's chest. "I know, I know. It's just some days . . . never mind. I'm being a fool."_

_"Everyone doubts themselves now and again," Botta said softly. "There's nothing wrong with that."_

_Yuan shrugged. "You're right, of course. Don't mind me; I'm in a funny mood. _

_". . . It's hard, though," he went on, voice equally quiet. "Being strong all the time. One of the first things I learned is a good leader never shows a moment's weakness, hesitation, or uncertainty. It's a hard thing to keep up, although I do a good job of it, if I say so myself. But if I didn't have you, Botta, I'd go stark, raving mad."_

_Botta couldn't help but smile at that. "You survived a long time without me. I doubt I'm that indispensable."_

_"You've made yourself indispensable, both in running the Renegades and what passes for my pitiful personal life." Yuan shook his head. "If something ever happened to you, I'm not quite sure what I would do."_

_"You would move on." Botta watched a point above Yuan's head. "You are strong, Yuan. You know what has to be done, and you do it. You've done that for thousands of years when it comes to stopping Yggdrasill and saving Martel, and if I—died, you would do the same."_

_"I would have to, wouldn't I?" Yuan's voice was thoughtful. "I—none of us are free of this until the Great Seed has been revived, so I suppose I would have to." He looked up and met Botta's eyes. He hesitated, but said, "That doesn't mean I wouldn't be devastated, you realise."_

_Botta met his gaze. "I feel the same way."_

_"Then neither of us is allowed to die until we finally are free of this blasted job. That's an order." His tone was whimsical, but the look in Yuan's eyes was completely serious._

_"I'll do my best." Botta smiled at him and leaned down for another kiss. "I promise."_

-o-

The next day, when the lieutenant in charge of ordering supplies for the function of the Renegades received the paperwork back from the main office, he was puzzled. Parts of rows of the inked figures, numbers he remembered penning in cleanly, were blotched.

It was almost as if water had been splattered along its surface and had dried, blurring the numbers.

With a mental shrug, the lieutenant did his best to read through the marks and went back to work. The Renegades always kept working, no matter what happened. Whether it was as small as an incorrect word in a report or as large as the death of one of their high-ranking officials, the Renegades always moved on.

No matter what happened.


End file.
